Maybe this time it will be different

The harder he pushes, the worse he fucks.
That aggression, so relentless,
Yet that thrust, so limited, so underwhelming.
The talk, the insistence, the pressure,
I give in, my brain convinces me it’s just easier this way.

All for….
Disappointment, emptiness, sadness.
One minute of ecstasy?
Was that what that was supposed to be?
Unclear, as I left my body the moment my brain gave in.

I lay there now, tossed aside.
Needs unmet,
Needs not communicated, not heard.
Angry at myself.

I let it happen again.
I did not respect my boundaries.
This weakness, to fall back into behaviours that don’t serve me.
For what?
To believe that this is my only value.

I know better,
I deserve better,
Yet I struggle to believe that this is not my only worth.


What if the world is here solely for me.
What if that was the approach I took… ‘The world is mine!’
Where the world is as amazing as I want it to be.
It is created for me.
To challenge, execute, inspire and to share.

What is it that finally makes us feel that we’re valuable enough and worth it
That we deserve to share our story?

If I cannot find value within, then it is unreasonable to expect others to find any value either.
Then once I figure out my value, how do I let go of ego, and forgive my younger self?

“Never be a prisoner of your past. It was just a lesson, not a life sentence.”

I love and embrace that what I know today may be completely wrong tomorrow
… and guess what?
That it is ok and I should not be ashamed that I may have come from a less informed place.

You can’t give people what they want, but you can give them something else.
You can give them understanding.

Amanda Palmer


“We arrive with our…’baggage’ and for a while they’re brilliant, they’re ‘Baggage Handlers.’

We say, ‘Where’s your baggage?’
They deny all knowledge of it…’They’re in love’…they have none.

Then…just as you’re relaxing…a Great Big Juggernaut arrives…with their baggage.
It Got Held Up.

One of the greatest myths men have about women is that we overpack.”

Patrick Marber, Closer

What Did it Take?

What did it take for you to finally stop and smell the flowers? 
To take the time to really taste a meal prepared with love, 
To gaze with wonder at the stars. 

To put your phone phone away and be present?
To let go of insecurities and assumptions. 

To remove ego. 
To be vulnerable.
To let go.

To feel
To really feel how you actually feel.
To listen to your body.

To hear what the universe was trying to tell you.

What did it take? 

When did it hurt enough?