The harder he pushes, the worse he fucks. That aggression, so relentless, Yet that thrust, so limited, so underwhelming. The talk, the insistence, the pressure, I give in, my brain convinces me it’s just easier this way.
All for…. Disappointment, emptiness, sadness. One minute of ecstasy? Was that what that was supposed to be? Unclear, as I left my body the moment my brain gave in.
I lay there now, tossed aside. Needs unmet, Needs not communicated, not heard. Resentful. Angry at myself.
I let it happen again. I did not respect my boundaries. This weakness, to fall back into behaviours that don’t serve me. For what? To believe that this is my only value.
I know better, I deserve better, Yet I struggle to believe that this is not my only worth.
What if the world is here solely for me. What if that was the approach I took… ‘The world is mine!’ Where the world is as amazing as I want it to be. It is created for me. To challenge, execute, inspire and to share.
What is it that finally makes us feel that we’re valuable enough and worth it That we deserve to share our story?
If I cannot find value within, then it is unreasonable to expect others to find any value either. Then once I figure out my value, how do I let go of ego, and forgive my younger self?
“Never be a prisoner of your past. It was just a lesson, not a life sentence.”
I love and embrace that what I know today may be completely wrong tomorrow … and guess what? That it is ok and I should not be ashamed that I may have come from a less informed place.