Author: Happy Wanderer

You Could be Loved

Learning and defining how you want to be loved
1. Come to terms that it is possible to be loved – you are lovable and you can be loved.
2. Value yourself enough to know that you deserved to be loved – exactly how you want and need to be loved.
3. Spend the time needed to figure out what being loved truly means to you- how do want to be loved?
4. Advocate for what you need and teach others how you want to be loved – learn to not stay in relationships where you are not getting the love you need and are asking for.

  • Keukenhof, NLD 2018
    Keukenhof, NLD 2018
  • Philadelphia, USA 2018
    Philadelphia, USA 2018
  • Toronto, CAN 2020
    Toronto, CAN 2020
  • Los Angeles, USA 2017
    Los Angeles, USA 2017
  • Los Angeles, USA 2020
    Los Angeles, USA 2020
  • Toronto, CAN 2020
    Toronto, CAN 2020
How do we expect to be loved if we haven’t spent time figuring it out for ourselves?

How do I want to be loved?
I want to feel safe, fearless, courageous, inspired, curious, playful, secure, valued, worthy, enough, strong and brave.
I want to be loved for who I am.

Music for Inspiration – 2020

In the midst of COVID, I started leaning on music to find inspiration, release, escape and enjoyment. My focus leaned towards albums. I am fascinated by the storytelling component of a full album. I’ve focused on exploring mostly LPs (Long play records – usually 8 songs or more) with some EPs (extended play records – usually 4-6 songs). Some come as recommendations, some are stuck in my head when I wake up, and other times I explore an artist I’ve recently discovered or haven’t listed to in a number of years.

Here is the list of albums I’ve compiled in 2020.

  • Wednesday, April 1: Kolsch – 1983
  • Thursday, April 2: Kaytranada – BUBBA
  • Friday, April 3: Sunlounger, Roger Shah – The Beach Side of Life
  • Monday, April 6: Booka Shade – Eve
  • Tuesday, April 7: RJD2 – Deadringer: Deluxe
  • Wednesday, April 8: Olafur Arnalds – For Now I am Winter
  • Thursday, April 9: 6lack – FREE 6LACK
  • Friday, April 10: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross – The Social Network Soundtrack
  • Monday, April 13: System of a Down – Mezmerize
  • Tuesday, April 14: The Roots – Things Fall Apart
  • Wednesday, April 15: Tiesto – Just Be
  • Thursday, April 16: TOKIMONSTA – Oasis Nocturo
  • Friday, April 17: Black Coffee – Pieces of Me
  • Monday, April 20: Clint Mansell, Kronos Quartet – Requiem for a Dream Soundtrack
  • Tuesday, April 21: SAINT JHN – Collection One *Bonus track: Roses – Imanbok Remix
  • Wednesday, April 22: HEALTH – VOL.4:: SLAVES OF FEAR
  • Thursday, April 23: Michael Nyman – The Piano Soundtrack
  • Friday, April 24: Queen of the Stone Age – Songs for the Deaf
  • Monday, April 27: Oliver Koletzki – The Aric of Tension *Bonus track: No Man No Cry – Jimmy Sax Version
  • Tuesday, April 28: 2Pac – All Eyez On Me
  • Wednesday, April 29: Daft Punk – Discovery
  • Thursday, April 30: Aaliyah – Age Ain’t Nothing But A Number
  • Friday, May 1: Red Hot Chili Peppers – Californication
  • Monday, May 4: Bones UK – Bones UK
  • Tuesday, May 5: Various Artist – Cruel Intentions Soundtrack
  • Wednesday, May 6: Nipsey Hussle – Victory Lap
  • Thursday, May 7: Benny Benassi – Hypnotica (Benny Benassi Presents The Biz)
  • Friday, May 8: Matthew Good Band – Beautiful Midnight
  • Monday, May 11: Betty Wright – I Love The Way You Love
  • Tuesday, May 12: Dojo Cat – Amala
  • Wednesday, May 13: Avicii – True
  • Thursday, May 14: Daniel Caesar – Freudian
  • Friday, May 15: Blue Rodeo – Five Days in July
  • Monday, May 18: Khalid – American Teen
  • Tuesday, May 19: Eurythmics – Touch
  • Wednesday, May 20: Kings of Leon – Only By The Night
  • Thursday, May 21: Calvin Harris – Ready For The Weekend
  • Friday, May 22: Buddha-Bar – Buddha-Bar Beach
  • Tuesday, May 26: Tash Sultana – Flow State
  • Wednesday, May 27: Jeremih – Late Nights: The Album
  • Thursday, May 28: Mari Samuelson – Mari
  • Friday, May 29: Erykah Badu – Baduizm
  • Monday, June 1: Leon Bridges – Good Thing
  • Tuesday, June 2: Stormzy – Heavy is the Head
  • Wednesday, June 3: Ludovico Einaudi – I Giorni
  • Thursday, June 4: Snoh Aalegra – Ugh, those feels again
  • Friday, June 5: Yo-Yo Ma – Obrigado Brazil
  • Monday, June 8: Kid Cudi – Man On The Moon: The End of Day
  • Tuesday, June 9: Dawn of Midi – Dysnomia
  • Wednesday, June 10: Bad Bunny – YHLQMDLG
  • Thursday, June 11: Tiesto – In Search of Sunrise 5 Los Angeles Mixed by Tiesto
  • Friday, June 12: Tracy Chapman – Tracy Chapman
  • Monday, June 15: Garbage – Garbage (20th Anniversary Deluxe Edition)
  • Tuesday, June 16: Snake River Conspiracy – Sonic Jihad
  • Wednesday, June 17: HalfTribe – For The Summer, or Forever
  • Thursday, June 18: dvsn – A Muse in Her Feelings
  • Friday, June 19: Chromeo – Quarantine Casanovas
  • Monday, June 22: Dirty Vegas – Dirty Vegas
  • Tuesday, June 23: A.CHAL – EXOTIGAZ
  • Wednesday, June 24: The Temper Trap – Conditions
  • Monday, June 29: Nelly Furtado – Loose
  • Monday, July 6: Khruangbin – Mordechai
  • Wednesday, July 8: Daddy Yankee – Barrio Fino
  • Thursday, July 9: Phish – Amsterdam
  • Tuesday, July 14: KISS – Dynasty
  • Thursday, July 16: Crazy P – When We On
  • Friday, July 17: Akram Abdulfattah – Jawa
  • Monday, July 20: Kygo – Golden Hour
  • Tuesday, July 21: Franky Wah – The Revival, Vol. 1
  • Wednesday, July 22: Rihanna – Music of the Sun
  • Monday, July 27: Witchcraft – Legend
  • Wednesday, July 29: The Roots – Illadeph Halflife
  • Wednesday, August 5: Ben Bohmer – Breathing
  • Tuesday, August 11: Jennifer Lopez – On the 6
  • Wednesday, August 12: James Blake – Assume Form
  • Friday, August 14: Jordan Rakei – Origin
  • Tuesday, August 18: Chet Faker – Built on Glass
  • Monday, August 24: Tiesto – Kaleidoscope
  • Tuesday, August 25: Elder Island – Seeds in Sand
  • Thursday, August 27: Tourist – Wild
  • Monday, August 31: BADBADNOTGOOD – III
  • Tuesday, Sept. 1: Shad – The Old Prince
  • Wednesday, Sept. 2: The Cinematic Orchestra – Man with a Movie Camera
  • Thursday, Sept. 3: J Dilla – The Shining
  • Friday, Sept. 4: Jamiroquai – Travelling Without Moving
  • Tuesday, Sept. 8: Paolo Nutini – Caustic Love
  • Wednesday, Sept. 9: Jacob Banks – Village
  • Thursday, Sept. 10: Ziggy Alberts – Laps Around the Sun
  • Friday, Sept. 11: Stefan Biniak – Nighttales
  • Monday, Sept. 14: The Gaslamp Killer – Breakthrough
  • Tuesday, Sept. 15: Jamie xx – In Colour
  • Wednesday, Sept. 16: Songhoy Blues – Music In Exile
  • Thursday, Sept. 17: Sunlounger – Roger Shah presents Sunlounger presents Sunlounger (Balearic Beauty)
  • Friday, Sept. 18: Nosaj Thing – Views/Octopus EP
  • Monday, Sept. 21: Anthony B – Black Star
  • Tuesday, Sept. 22: Icarus – This Must be the Place
  • Thursday, Sept. 24: Johnny Cash – American IV: The Man Comes Around
  • Friday, Sept. 25: Halftribe – Backwater Revisited
  • Monday, Sept. 28: Wayne Wonder – No Holding Back
  • Tuesday, Sept. 29: Placebo – Without You I’m Nothing
  • Wednesday, Sept. 30: The Weeknd – Afterhours
  • Thursday, Oct. 1: Tube & Berger – We Are All Stars
  • Friday, Oct. 2: Swedish House Mafia – Until Now
  • Monday, Oct. 5: Abel Korzeniowski – W.E. – Music from the Motion Picture
  • Tuesday, Oct. 6: Whilk & Misky – My Round
  • Wednesday, Oct. 7: Carlos Vives – VIVES
  • Thursday, Oct. 8: Christopher Willits – Sunset
  • Friday, Oct. 9: DVBBS – Nothing to See Here
  • Monday, Oct. 12: Headie One – EDNA
  • Tuesday, Oct. 13: Tom Misch – Beat Tape 2
  • Wednesday, Oct. 14: Cary Brothers – Who you are
  • Thursday, Oct. 15: Bob Marley & the Wailers – Exodus (Deluxe Edition)
  • Friday, Oct 16: Sturgill Simpson – Sound & Fury
  • Friday, Oct. 16 (Bonus): Toots & the Maytals – Funky Kingston
  • Monday, Oct. 19: Potatohead People – Big Luxury
  • Tuesday, Oct. 20: Madame Ghandi – Visions
  • Wednesday, Oct. 21: French Montana – Jungle Rules
  • Thursday, Oct 22: Rufus Du Sol – SOLACE
  • Friday, Oct. 23: Zhu – GENERATIONWHY
  • Monday, Nov. 2: Tobe Nwigwe – THE ORIGINALS
  • Tuesday, Nov. 3: India.Arie – SongVersation: Medicine
  • Wednesday, Nov. 4: Ludovico Einaudi – Una Mattina
  • Thursday, Nov. 5: Nat King Cole – The Very Thought of You
  • Monday, Nov. 9: Louis Armstrong – Louis Armstrong Plays W.C. Handy
  • Tuesday, Nov. 10: Klingande – The Album
  • Wednesday, Nov. 11: Point Point – Contrastive Focus Reduplication
  • Thursday, Nov. 12: Cecile McLorin Salvant – The Window
  • Monday, Nov. 16: Louis The Child – Here for Now
  • Tuesday, Nov. 17: Roy Woods – Say Less
  • Wednesday, Nov. 18: Philip Glass – REWORK (Philip Glass Remixed)
  • Thursday, Nov. 19: Klangkarussell – Netzwerk (Deluxe)
  • Friday, Nov. 20: Seneca B – Rascal
  • Monday, Nov. 23: Stevie Wonder – Songs in the Key of Life
  • Tuesday, Nov. 24: Disclosure – ENERGY (Deluxe)
  • Wednesday, Nov. 25: Jax Jones – Snacks (Supersize)
  • Monday, Nov. 30: Major Lazer, Diplo – Music is the Weapon
  • Tuesday, Dec. 1: David Das – Minimalist Metrics
  • Wednesday, Dec. 2: Moses Sumney – Grae
  • Thursday, Dec. 3: Immanuel Wilkins – Omega
  • Friday, Dec. 4: Sufjan Stevens – The Ascension
  • Monday, Dec. 7: Burna Boy – Twice as Tall
  • Tuesday Dec. 8: Sekou Andrews, The String Theory – Sekou Andrews & The String Theory
  • Wednesday, Dec. 9: Fatboy Slim – Big Beach Bootique 5
  • Thursday, Dec. 10: Kehlani – It Was Good Until It Wasn’t
  • Friday, Dec. 11: Dermot Kennedy – Without Fear
  • Monday, Dec. 14: Various Artists – Erased Tapes Collection V
  • Tuesday, Dec. 15: Mike Jones – Who is Mike Jones?
  • Wednesday, Dec. 16: Ramin Djawadi – Westworld: Season 3 (Music from the HBO Series)
  • Thursday, Dec. 17: Kanye West – My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy
  • Friday, Dec. 18: Sam Smith – In The Lonely Hour
  • Monday, Dec. 21: J. Cole – Snow on Tha Bluff (Single)
  • Tuesday, Dec. 22: Elton John – Too Low for Zero
  • Wednesday, Dec. 23: Example – Won’t Go Quietly
  • Monday, Dec. 28: Filip Ekestubbe Trio – On a Clear Day
  • Tuesday, Dec. 29: Dessa – Chime
  • Wednesday, Dec. 30: Aesop Rock – Spirit World Field Guide
  • Thursday, Dec. 31: Armin van Buuren – RELAXED

Maybe this time it will be different

The harder he pushes, the worse he fucks.
That aggression, so relentless,
Yet that thrust, so limited, so underwhelming.
The talk, the insistence, the pressure,
I give in, my brain convinces me it’s just easier this way.

All for….
Disappointment, emptiness, sadness.
One minute of ecstasy?
Was that what that was supposed to be?
Unclear, as I left my body the moment my brain gave in.

I lay there now, tossed aside.
Needs unmet,
Needs not communicated, not heard.
Resentful.
Angry at myself.

I let it happen again.
I did not respect my boundaries.
This weakness, to fall back into behaviours that don’t serve me.
For what?
To believe that this is my only value.

I know better,
I deserve better,
Yet I struggle to believe that this is not my only worth.

Storytelling

What if the world is here solely for me.
What if that was the approach I took… ‘The world is mine!’
Where the world is as amazing as I want it to be.
It is created for me.
To challenge, execute, inspire and to share.

What is it that finally makes us feel that we’re valuable enough and worth it
That we deserve to share our story?

If I cannot find value within, then it is unreasonable to expect others to find any value either.
Then once I figure out my value, how do I let go of ego, and forgive my younger self?

“Never be a prisoner of your past. It was just a lesson, not a life sentence.”

I love and embrace that what I know today may be completely wrong tomorrow
… and guess what?
That it is ok and I should not be ashamed that I may have come from a less informed place.

You can’t give people what they want, but you can give them something else.
You can give them understanding.

Amanda Palmer

Baggage

“We arrive with our…’baggage’ and for a while they’re brilliant, they’re ‘Baggage Handlers.’

We say, ‘Where’s your baggage?’
They deny all knowledge of it…’They’re in love’…they have none.

Then…just as you’re relaxing…a Great Big Juggernaut arrives…with their baggage.
It Got Held Up.

One of the greatest myths men have about women is that we overpack.”

Patrick Marber, Closer

What Did it Take?

What did it take for you to finally stop and smell the flowers? 
To take the time to really taste a meal prepared with love, 
To gaze with wonder at the stars. 

To put your phone phone away and be present?
To let go of insecurities and assumptions. 

To remove ego. 
To be vulnerable.
To let go.

To feel
To really feel how you actually feel.
To listen to your body.

To hear what the universe was trying to tell you.

What did it take? 

When did it hurt enough?