The harder he pushes, the worse he fucks.
That aggression, so relentless,
Yet that thrust, so limited, so underwhelming.
The talk, the insistence, the pressure,
I give in, my brain convinces me it’s just easier this way.
Disappointment, emptiness, sadness.
One minute of ecstasy?
Was that what that was supposed to be?
Unclear, as I left my body the moment my brain gave in.
I lay there now, tossed aside.
Needs not communicated, not heard.
Angry at myself.
I let it happen again.
I did not respect my boundaries.
This weakness, to fall back into behaviours that don’t serve me.
To believe that this is my only value.
I know better,
I deserve better,
Yet I struggle to believe that this is not my only worth.